It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.

Monday night, and like an obnoxious twat, I went for a run while Lucy was at Brownies.  It was only an hour, and I managed 7.44 km, which is about 4.6 miles, and while not fast, was up and down hills and all sorts, so I'm feeling pretty smug and pleased with myself. 

I don't know if you know Ealing at all, but there are some biggish hills there, and I ran the whole way because there were no people and things were going well.

I've had a pretty crappy February, with the diet not going very well and the kitchen and the very little running or cycling, and ended up doing a pathetic 45km across 29 days.  Rubbish.  March is already so much better; we're only at the 7th, and I've already managed 24km.  I'm back on the bike tomorrow, after a few weeks off; there will be swearing.  I'm starting to think more about the Ealing Half Marathon, and I'm gearing up to run 10 miles in the next few weeks; along the canal though, as that is flat and easier. I had a route in mind, but it turns out that that one would have been over 20 miles, so better have a rethink.

My massive weight loss has stalled too; nothing like eating normally, although I haven't put anything on and I'm hoping the running will get things going again.  I want to lose 3 pounds this week, as that will take me down into human weight territory, and will mean that I've only got a stone to go.  What fun it all is.

It's cold outside and I can't wear mittens because they're not flattering to my hands!

Hello campers and how's the weekend been?  Normally, I write about knitting on a Sunday evening, but this evening, I want to talk about running and how amazing it can be.

It was the Winter Run today, a 10k race through Central London, which sounds pretty amazing, and really, really was.  I ran it last year before injuring my ankle, and it took me 1 hour 31 minutes, which was pretty slow, but I did it, and I got a medal to prove it.  I then signed up for this year in a fit of adrenaline based madness, and promptly forgot about it, particularly when I had to pull out of the Royal Parks Half Marathon when my ankle meant I couldn't really train for it.  In November, Hattie suddenly piped up about my big run, and I went and checked through my emails, and hurrah, I was signed up again.  Hurrah might not have been my actual first thought.

I did manage some training, after a long time of no running, and managed 10k a couple of times without too much pain and difficulty, so I knew I could do it.  Signing up for the Ealing Half Marathon made the whole "you just have to get on with it" thing easier, plus I've done a hell of a lot of exercise this year so far.  In January, I've walked, run and cycled 211.3km, according to my Runkeeper app, and more if you count the UP band data, which I don't at the moment, as the bloody thing is broken.  

Well, the Winter Run is done, and I managed the 10k in a mighty 1 hour 24 minutes, which is more than 5 mins faster than last year, and I'm so pleased about that.  I've still a long way to go before the Ealing Half Marathon, but I'm on the right track.

The only crap note is that I lost my lovely Peerie Flooers hat; at least I can knit it again, and this time it'll fit properly; the old one was a bit loose.  

The mental dust diet only allows me one proper food meal a day, and it's going pretty well considering.  I've still only lost about 7 pounds in 3 and a bit weeks, but I've lost it from visceral fat (what?) and not from muscle, and this seems legit, what with me standing on a scale with bare feet and a small electrical current running through my body measuring all my stats.  I'm definitely looking leaner and thinner; and my waist and bust have shrunk.  My hips have not.  This is not great, but lets stick to the positive.

Hurrah for running, and I'm going to do it again next year, and let's hope I can shave another 5-10 minutes off that time.

Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

January.  It's been interesting cycling around West Ealing in the morning.  I lost the feeling in both feet and in my thumbs at one point, despite two pairs of gloves and three pairs of socks.  Super.

We went back to school on the 4th, and I've been running around like a maniac since then, what with all the SENCO-ing and the teaching and the looking after children and the knitting and the sewing and the exercising and the mental dieting and all sorts.

The mental dieting is actually going quite well.  I'm mostly not hungry, until it gets to about 4:30/5, at which point it gets a bit much and I end up eating celery until I feel better.  Unfortunately, celery can't really replace, I don't know, bread, pasta, rice, chocolate, sweets, biscuits, shortbread, alcohol, fruit juice, sausages or crisps, but I'm eating a lot of it, and sometimes I even have some homemade hummus or low fat guacamole, so I get my treats!  I don't hate it and it is working, I've lost nearly 9 pounds and about an inch off my entire body, so I'm sticking with it for a bit longer.  It's not sustainable, I know that, and it goes against the whole healthy eating, real food philosophy, but, fuck it, I want to be slim, and this is the easiest way to do it.  Who knew that practically no food and all the exercise would lead to massive weight loss?

I'm sure next week will be better.  If all else fails, there's always beating people around the head and brushing my hair endlessly.

I'm wearing a new, um, bra and it closes in the front and it popped-open and it threw me off.

Did you know that hippos can run at a top speed of 30 km/h, and can swim at about 15 km/h, so you really need to make up the time on the bikes if you want to beat them at the triathlon.

I'm running again, if you hadn't realised.  I ran on Sunday, yesterday and today, building up my distance to a mighty 5 km.  I've been avoiding running, then berating myself for not doing it, then getting depressed, then going out and getting furious within 30 seconds, and repeating a pretty negative cycle.  I've decided to go out everyday for a fortnight, alternating my "half marathon training plan" with running circuits of the track while the kids play in the park.  Apparently 3 circuits is a kilometre; I did it yesterday but with just my UP band to track it and it wasn't very good at it.  I might need to read the instructions, because you can get it to time an activity pretty accurately according to the blurb. 

It's all very positive at the moment though, with 4.9 kilometres on Sunday, 1 and a bit yesterday, and 4.85 kilometres today.  I don't run the whole way, because my ankle starts to really hurt after about 2k, and walking helps ease that.  But I am doing it.  Even though I only sporadically enjoy it, particularly going down hills.  

I don't intend to write too much about my "fitness journey" because it bores ME to tears, let alone both my remaining readers, but I will mention it now and again.  After all, it will have an impact on my sewing - less fabric used, more likely to take pictures of myself as I become happier with my body and the way I look, generally happier with everything.   I'm certainly not going to write a daily fitness journal, although I might show you a few post exercise selfies.

Cheers.

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

The General Election is today, and I've done my patriotic duty etc etc, although I was nearly thrown by HAVING TO GO TO A DIFFERENT POLLING STATION, and nearly voted for the wrong person.  I get confused easily.

In other news, I've finalised a title for my next assignment essay: how can a policy be formulated to integrate and embed advice from outside agencies into quality first teaching?  Jolly interesting, but ultimately it will be a work of great fiction and we will carry on doing things the way we've been doing them.

I walked from Greenford to Pitshanger Lane today, which sounds a long way, but is barely 8,000 steps, according to my tracker thing.  It was all cognitive dissonance too - I walked along the River Brent, which is green and pleasant with butterflies and cow parsley and ducks and all sorts, and on my right hand side was the Ruislip Road and the E2.  Bonkers.  Still, more enjoyable than walking along the pavement.  It didn't rain, although it looked like it might several times.

All this outdoor activity and fitness is wearing me out.  I need a couple of glasses of wine and a little rest.  

And the cows are almost cooing, And the turtle-doves are mooing, Which is why a Pooh is poohing In the sun.

It's definitely Spring in West Ealing, and I've been cycling around like a maniac, particularly today, when I went from home to the girls' school, back via Northfield Avenue, and around there, then to school and back again just now.  16km in total; next up doing it all in one go rather than with big breaks in between.  I'm not running at the moment because my foot hurts when I do more than 3km, and I may be daft, but I'm not so stupid that I'll really hurt myself.  I'm seeing a physio tomorrow, and he should be able to help me get back on track again.  I really, really want to do this half marathon in October, and I'll be starting my training properly in June.  

So I've bought myself a new toy - a Jawbone UP24.  It tells me how far I'm walking, how much exercise I'm doing, how I'm sleeping, and all sorts of exciting things.  It makes me go to bed at a sensible time, it gives me a small electric shock when I've been sitting too long, and it gives me a smiley face and a "thumbs up" when I hit my 10,000 step goal.  I've done that three days in a row now, and my average is over 9800, which apparently puts me in the top 30% of all UP users, which is completely meaningless, and completely exciting at the same time.  Woo, go me, etc.

It's good to be out and about at the moment; it's great to be busy, and the weather is great.  I do find myself doing daft things like jumping up and down in the kitchen, and going out for a walk at 6pm every evening to make up my step count.  I'm not weighing myself though, but I will be measuring furiously.

We've also bought a NUTRIBULLET, so we are now NUTRIBULLET wankers.  The first thing we made this morning was a pear, carrot, spring green, celery, broccoli, strawberries, pomegranate and mint smoothie.  It was lovely, if a bit chewy.  I had a ginger, carrot, pear and spring green one just now, with almonds for added oomph, and it was also lovely, if a bit strong.  It's all about the balance, but less is definitely more when it comes to raw broccoli and spring greens.  

Anyway, that's the new healthy lifestyle, and I'm really enjoying the feeling of smug satisfaction I get when I obsessively track steps and calories.  

Normal knitting, crocheting and sewing service will resume later.

That guy wanted to buy me a drink? I already have one. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

Sometimes the best solution to stressing out over writing an essay is just to get on with it and write the damn thing.  I've already done a bit of the literature review, a pen portrait of each of the children in my intervention and a table of assessments, but nothing else.  I think once the rationale is done, I'll feel a bit more clearheaded about the whole thing.  The other thing that's stressing me out is how to get results.  I think I'm going to have to use thematic analysis, and record how many movements the children are able to copy in a given session.  If all else fails, I'm just going to make it up.  Further research is needed.

It's so stressful writing serious things, when all you ever write is light-hearted drivel about knitting.

• Ringo mittens.  DONE AND DONE.  Hattie, delightful child, has even consented to wear them twice.
• The Aiken is going quite well.  I have altered the design of the sleeves to suit my personality, and am half way through the first one.  Won't be done by Valentine's Day, might be done by the end of half term. 
• The Weather in the Streets - on hold.  It is doing my head in. 
• Lucy Attic24 Ripple Blanket - I've done another half a dozen or so rows.  Lucy is starting to complain that she hasn't got it yet.  Each ripple takes me about 30 minutes.  I crochet REALLY SLOWLY.
• Lucy's stripey jumper.  It's my go to project for sitting at ballet.  
• *NEW* Hattie's 4th birthday blanket.  Only 3 months late in starting this.  36 Rainbow Granny Squares.  2 done.
• Wisteria jumper - sleeve island.
• Owl Obsession for one of my godsons - it's for his second birthday.  His birthday is in SEPTEMBER PEOPLE.
• Hexipuff Quilt (I'm aiming to get 250/500 done by the end of June 2015) NO
• Burton Bear cowl for Hattie.  Brown wool lost again.  Curses.
• Nicholas' POP blanket - There are still 9 completed squares.  Again.  Next week, there will be 10.  Yes.
• Peacock Mitten - oh God, this is too depressing.
• Coraline cardigan - moved to be finished by February; this is Britain, it will still be cold then
• Petrie top - too cold to think about spring weight tops.  
• Knitted Coco -see above.
• Socks for me - I have no suitable sock wool that I like.
• Rainbow jumper - still depressed about losing jumper 1, and in mourning.  
• A Little Birds jumper with no steeks - still planning
• Reknit an unwearably large jumper for Simon - March project

Done:

Myrna Cardigan
Hattie's cardigan.
A pair of simple socks for the children
Garter Yoke Cardigan
An Owlet for Lucy
Lucy's Cowl
Hattie's Cowl
A Burton Bear Cowl for Lucy
Simon's socks
Boreal
A tiny jumper for Nicholas
Sparkly Owlet for Hattie
Ringo mittens

In running news, I have signed up for another 10k and a half marathon.  I need to get my speeds up.  Unfortunately, the sodding job is so busy that I can't find time to run at the moment.  Hurry up Spring and lighter evenings, so I can go out for an hour at least when the girls are in bed.  I really don't want to get up any earlier.

I will nag about sponsorship at a later date.

My Mascara Runs Faster Than I Can

When I started running after Easter, I never in a billion years dreamed I would find it addictive.  Yet I've been out in the freezing cold, in the pouring rain, and this morning with a funny feeling across my left ankle, which I walked and ran off.  It's fine now.  Stupid thing.  I'm learning all about Ealing, learning where there are hills, where there are nice fast flat bits, and that running around Walpole and Lammas parks is pretty boring, and not a patch on running on the pavement around the nice houses.  Odd that.

[I tried to put a picture of my route here, but it doesn't work.  Imagine a red faced idiot in leggings running past traditional Victorian/Edwardian houses, and you'll get the idea.]

I've been running home from dropping the children a couple of days a week; I make sure I get off the bus route, and just go.  This morning I tired of Lammas Park, and ran around the back streets between Northfields and Boston Manor Road, which was delightful.  The ankle niggle meant that I ran for about 15 mins, walked until it didn't hurt, then ran until I couldn't bear it any more.  I stopped for a chat with a friend, and that cured it pretty well, so I was able to run almost all the way home, with a detour to make it up to 5km.  The goal at the moment is the WINTER RUN, a 10 kilometre slog around Central London, in about 2 months time.  I can now easily run 5km, and ran 6 on Friday, and 5.86 today, so basically 6.  Just another 4 to go, and it shouldn't be that hard really.  The plan is to do it in under an hour and a half and then go to the pub.  That might mean I have to speed up a bit.

I've definitely changed shape from all the running - I still have my hourglass figure with the extra sand, but there is less sand than there was before.  I'm planning on doing the dreaded Shred next month, and seeing how that goes.  I do not like it much, but it undeniably works, dammit.  It should complement the running, and hopefully get rid of the post c-section tummy overhang; it's been 4 years, I really should do SOMETHING.

No sewing at the moment, I just don't seem to have the energy.

Avoid any food that has a TV commercial

It's still October Unprocessed, and I've been cooking all sorts of things.  Nothing too radical - no making my own yoghurt, or bok choi chips; just a massive fish pie, a farro risotto from Nigellissima - made with bacon bits to stop it being too healthy or boring; a melanzane parmigiano with extra mozzarella; bean and tomato soup; toast with homemade damson jam, the list goes on.  

I don't really like to cook, despite being quite good at it when I do; the things I really like to make involve twenty minutes frantic work, then leaving it in the oven for the rest of the time.  Like baking.  Baking is satisfyingly maths-y with all the measuring and weighing, then you mix it all together in the Kenwood, bung it in a cake tin, and ta-dah there is a cake.  Icing on the other hand is a massively boring chore, and I utterly discard it.  Which is why my cakes taste great, but look like they've been sat on by an elephant.  

Anyway, all this healthy eating is paying dividends, and I have lost about two inches from the waist, and nothing at all from the hips - not in one month, of course, but the new regime is working, and if I can only get off my bum a bit more often and go for a run, life will be perfection and joy.  I would like to be able to cut a smaller Coco next time.

I went for a quick drink with my colleagues on Friday, getting home at twenty past one, having heard all the gossip (none of which is interesting to other people) and having shot my mouth off about all sorts.  One of them asked me how I had lost all the weight, and I surprised myself by being quite evangelical about running, and the Get Running app in particular. If you are thinking of a couch to 5K programme, this one is fantastic, not at all annoying, and lets you play your own music.  Get Running are not paying me to advertise their app; they bloody should be.

Tonight's Unprocessed delight is Wild Salmon with Noodles and Spinach and Soy Sauce and three glasses of red.  Followers of the regime will be delighted to learn that I count vodka and haribo as being unprocessed, if not a key ingredient in the weight loss.

PS While searching for a title for this post, I was offered the chance to "Spice up my Sex Routine".  Something to consider for the long winter nights.

Eat food, not too much, mostly plants

It's October, and it's October Unprocessed again.  Hurrah! 31 days of no added sugar, no shit lunchtime noodles and no processed food of any sort.  I shall mainly be eating grass, the hamster's sawdust and bulbs from the park opposite.  Last year, I sort of stuck to these "rules", guidelines, perhaps; and I've just made myself laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of some of the things I thought I could do.  "Make your own cereal bars", what an idiot.

Anyway, I think I will stick to more or less the same rules this year, with the exception of no Chinese pot noodles, which I am sick of anyway, and aren't that great for you either.

No Diet Coke.

Less sugar.

Baking my own bread for a month - this one is a bit difficult, as I don't really eat that much bread, and we end up with far too much bread, as we still buy bread for the fusspots sandwiches.  Maybe that should be "Don't eat rubbish bread".

If I can buy it as an ingredient (baking powder, caster sugar, flour), it's OK.

Cook more and menu plan like mad.

Like last year, that is not very far from what we eat as a family anyway.  The children eat more processed food than us - chicken nuggets, fish fingers, frankfurters, yoghurt, that sort of thing; and I don't really drink very much or eat things like takeaways more than once a month.  What a virtuous person I am.

I've also started doing the 30 Day Shred again, which was as challenging as I remember, although my recovery time is much faster, which is great.  I quite enjoyed it, bizarrely.  The running has made a real difference, particularly to my attitude to exercise.  I've signed up for a 10k race around London in February, and I really, really want to do it in under 80 minutes, which is doable for me, as I am very, very slow runner, so I'd better get out training again.  

Me me me me me me me me.  It's what you all come here for. 

Do try to listen to this episode of Analysis, it's on the iplayer, and is very, very interesting.  I'm going to get Michael Pollan's books, they sound great.  His mantra is "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants", and it's a really good way to look at diet.  I'd add, "do more things" to that too, just to add in a bit of exercise.  Told you my attitude had changed.

Trying to get away, into the night, then you put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground and then you say

Yesterday I ran just as fast as I could, which isn't that fast really, but I kept on doing it until I couldn't anymore, and it turned out that I ran for 4.5 km.  Which is only half a kilometre off my personal best.  It took rather a long time, but I don't care so much about that, it's still 4.5 km.

Earlier in the day, I ate cake, and read this rather silly article on the "My Fitness Pal" website.  Written by someone very fit, who has been running for a long time, and entitled "How to Learn to Like Running".  If you have been doing it for a long time, and you still don't like it, you must be some kind of idiot at best and some sort of sado-masochist at worst.

Anyway, I feel that with my new attitude towards exercise and the great outdoors, I could write something much better than that, and something less contradictory; point 4 - love your alone time, point 5 - run with a friend - proof reader to aisle 6.

How to Learn to Like Running, by a seriously unfit beginner

1. Get an app.  Seriously.  Download the Couch to 5 K programme.  Look at it.  Read through all the weeks, and properly scare yourself.  Close the app, and leave it for a few months.  There's lots of time.

2. Have a very minor health scare.  I'm pre-pre-diabetic.  I'm a bit overweight, and my waist measurement has just dropped from "high risk of heart disease and diabetes" to "risk of heart disease and diabetes"; when I was pregnant with Hat, I had gestational diabetes; last year, I was told that I had lots of plaque on my teeth, which is another weird little pre-diabetes thing; my grandmother has diabetes, my dad is pre-diabetic, I don't want either.  So either stop eating things I like or do exercise.

3. Sign up for a race before you are ready.  Once you start the programme and have done about a week, sign up for a 5k.  Don't do it the next weekend, that's just silly, but do it before you get to the end of the programme, ideally once it tells you that you are capable of running for 25 minutes without stopping.  Or collapsing.

4. Run on your own.  Race with a friend.  Particularly a supportive friend who sees you as a project.  My running friend runs marathons and can do 5km in about three minutes, so she was definitely there for the lunch afterwards.

5. Find your power tracks.  I like Cheated Hearts by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fuck You by Cee Lo Green, Closer by Tegan and Sara, and Like Eating Glass by Bloc Party.  It should be clear that I have a magpie approach to music.  And poor to little taste.

6. Walk sometimes. You are still running faster than the person sitting on the sofa, playing computer games.  It's not a race against anyone else, it's you pushing yourself to do something.

7. Get another app that tracks your distance and time.  Although it can be dispiriting to hear "Time 20 minutes; distance 2.08km; time per kilometre 10.04 minutes".  Shouting FUCK OFF at the top off your voice can help at these points.  NB.  Do not do this when there are people around, unless you don't mind being looked strangely.

8. Buy expensive trainers and work out how much they are costing you per run.  Mine are now only £11 per run.  Buy cheap running clothes.

9. If you don't feel like doing it, don't do it.  It's not compulsory.

10. If you do like it, don't stop.  From looking at the photos of friends of mine who run, I don't think it ever gets easy, but it does get more enjoyable.  I'm actually starting to like it now, and I'm starting to call myself a runner.  Only in my head, but that's where it counts the most. 

A 12 minute mile is just as far as a 6 minute mile.

Or why I don't care that it took me 40 minutes to run 5 kilometres.

I did it; it wasn't easy at all.  For a start, it was pissing with rain when I was getting ready, which really wasn't any fun at all, and my feet were still wet when we got home.  Then, when it finally stopped, it was really muggy and close.  Then I'd forgotten about my totally irrational fear and hatred of large groups of people all doing the same thing; turning the corner at 3 kilometres to come back meant that I was running into big groups of people bearing down on me, which was really, really horrible.  I turned the music up, did lots of staring at flowers, but had to walk for a minute or two, which was a bit disappointing, but actually I'm really glad I didn't just burst into tears and refuse to continue.  I've had panic attacks before, so I knew what was happening, and actually there must have been a massive surge in my adrenaline just as I was starting feel like hyperventilating because I was able to keep going, and actually went faster at one point.

I'm really pleased with my run.  I'm really pleased that I've gone from being able to run for about a minute, a minute and a half, to running almost continuously for 40 minutes.  My friend who runs marathons has suggested doing another 5k later in the summer, and I've said yes.  I can't quite believe it, but I'm going to do this again this year.  One of my other friends who loves to run has said that it gets fun when you can run 10 miles, so I am aiming for that.  If it turns out that he is lying, I will be on the plane to foreign parts to punch him on the nose.   

Anyway, if you have a few quid going spare, do please sponsor me. It's a very good cause after all.

http://www.justgiving.com/Julia-Croyden

‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar

It's on Saturday.  5km.  Running.  I know that I'm not going to be able to run the whole thing, but I should be able to run and walk it in a reasonable time; right now I can run for 25 minutes without stopping, and that's about 3 and a bit km, so we'll see.

I really have to run more; I've spent so much money on these, admittedly extremely comfortable, trainers, so I need to do as much as possible in order to bring down the cost per run to something approaching £3, rather than more than £30.  *coff*

In other fitness news, I'm doing a 30 Days Abs Challenge, along with 2.6 million other people on Facebook.  I've done 2 days.  It wasn't too bad; obviously all this excess stuff I'm carrying around my hips isn't actually stopping my muscles from working.  It has only been 2 days, so we'll see how it goes after day 11 with its 65 crunches.  I lose count after about 20, so I'll probably just keep on going until I pass out.  At least it's easier than the dreaded Shred, which is my project for July.  Or August.  Or September. 

I don't really know what's got into me - all I seem to want to do is run, do sit ups and go to work; I've not been knitting that much, I've barely been cooking and even my sewing machine is on hold.  I've got a whole load of pictures from May to chat about, plus I need to catch up with the 52 project.  I had such a nice compliment from someone who reads my blog and likes my happy, messy, silly children; I think I should dig out the photos from the last few weeks and put them up.  

More news as it comes along.