The words to say it

I have a lot to say at the moment, but not the words.  I had to take a long, sad journey last week, leaving the girls with Simon, and going to be a daughter and a granddaughter again.  It was particularly hard to go back to Ouma's room and see her stuff without her there, knowing that she hadn't just stepped away; I've brought a lot of it back with me, especially fabric and handmade doilies.  I'll make something out of them, or I'll store them, and my children and grandchildren, when the time comes, as it will, can say "Why did Mum keep all this stuff?  What was she going to do with it all?".

The secrets of a long and happy life are simple.  Be positive, be joyful, always maintain your standards - hair, make up, proper shoes and stockings until the end, keep everything, and always carry a hand-embroidered tissue packet and peppermints. 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.  Let your gentleness be known to everyone.  The Lord is near.  Philippians chapter 4, verses 4 - 5

I don't speak any Afrikaans, but I understand a bit, and after the service, I knew the word "vreugde".  Her joy in life was in the Lord, as the dominee said, but, as he didn't say, also in her family.  She was joyful that her daughter was happy, that her grandson had married, that her granddaughter had married, and that she had been able to attend the wedding, and, most importantly from my point of view, that she knew her great-grandchildren.  Lucy and Hattie lit up her life at Easter, and I am so grateful that we were able to make the trip so often.

Be careful what you wish for.  After our holiday, I wanted so desperately to go back; going back, I wanted so desperately to be anywhere else.  She has left a gap in our lives that won't easily be filled, and we will all miss her.